The second date: user guide

The first date and the anxiety of meeting that’s been putting such a strain on your nervous system is behind you. Now what? There are three possibilities: 1) “Neeeeext, please!”; 2) They say “Next” to you 🙁 or 3) “Why don’t we go out again?”

We obviously hope that it is case number three for everyone, which is why in this post we are going to talk about the all-important second date. Here are some tips to get through this second date unscathed and hopefully on to the third, fourth, fifth and who knows…

How long to wait for the second date

If the first date went well, you will probably hear from each other in the subsequent hours or perhaps the next day. Keep in touch without bombarding him with messages; avoid writing to him at inconvenient times during the working day, late in the evening, or if you happen to know that he has other engagements like a family dinner. However, do not wait for more than a week to see him again. If it really is impossible to arrange a second date within a week, try to at least find time to meet for breakfast or during a lunch break.

What to wear on a second date

You have now arranged to meet for your second date. It is almost upon you, and you ask yourself a key question: what should I wear?! Unless you’re going to a fancy dress party or for dinner at Buckingham Palace, there must be something in your wardrobe that is suitable for a second date.

Before you have a heart attack and cancel the date, keep calm and prepare a couple of looks so that you have a plan B. It goes without saying that you should wear something that makes you feel comfortable, but that does not mean the baggy tracksuit that you wear to go and pick up your Amazon package. Of course you should Be Yourself, but it only takes a bit of effort to find the right look.

Get to know each other better

If you were extremely focussed on making a good impression on the first date, and rightly so, let your nerves settle on the second date and pay more attention to your partner. Listen to the words and expressions that he uses, study his body language and find out more about him.

(–> link to the body language post)

Don’t give him the third degree or bombard him with questions as it is not an interrogation or a test. The conversation should be two-way and pleasant, so ask questions on topics that interest you and tell him about your experiences. However, be careful not to jump from one topic to another as this may come across as if you don’t care. Instead, try to either conclude one line of conversation or find a link to start a new topic.

What did he tell you?

“How’s Rocky?”, “How was that boring meeting you had on Monday?”, “How did your truffle risotto turn out?” Remember what you said to each other during your first date and ask for updates. This will show that you are genuinely interested in your partner. It may be a small gesture but it will have a huge impact as it will show him that you are interested and that you listened to him.

Flirty girl: physical contact during the second date

If you were more nervous and on alert during the first date, now you can be a little more direct and start to flirt. Focus on your gaze, body language and wit. Observe his reactions to see if he reciprocates and whether you should continue on that path or instead apply the handbrake.

Be open, but not too open…

It is OK to talk about exes or why you are single, but try to approach the subject delicately and superficially. Not because we’re not interested in finding out about his ex (quite the opposite!), but because this is not the time to reminisce, think about hard or difficult times, or maybe even grudges that will dampen the mood.

Second date: to kiss or not to kiss?

If only there were an instruction booklet for dating, or a leaflet showing the correct timing for a kiss, a caress or even when to have sex. But every date is unique, every story is unique, and who is better placed than you to decide whether to end the date with a kiss? How can you know if he wants it too? If you have been unable to ascertain his intentions from his behaviour or body language, ask him! If he isn’t feeling it, always respect your partner’s decision.

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